As a private music teacher who has taught all personality types, the perfectionist is by far the most challenging. I would rather teach someone who is carefree and doesn’t mind making mistakes over a perfectionist. Many famous people have been perfectionists, from Leonardo da Vinci (a famous artist and inventor) to Steve Jobs (founder of Apple computers) and Elon Musk. Being a perfectionist can push humans to do their very best, so it’s not always a bad attribute if the perfectionist realizes they must try repeatedly to achieve their goal. However, since a perfectionist rarely achieves perfection in their eyes, this can cause low self-esteem and, at times, depression. It may also do the opposite of achievement, where they quit or don’t try due to a fear of failure.

It’s even more dangerous when children are perfectionists because they often don’t know what it is or how to handle it. It can be a struggle for them to learn anything new for fear of imperfection. Avoiding learning new concepts can lead to bad grades and low achievement, which only fuels their low self-esteem.

I once had a piano student who cried whenever I taught a new concept or song. And no matter what I did, soothing her, telling her it was ok to make mistakes, or trying to be fun, nothing worked. Then, I realized one day that crying was her way of controlling the lesson so she didn’t have to play or learn anything new.

Here are five ways to help teach a perfectionist student

1. Don’t let them control the lesson.

When I discovered my student was crying to stop me from teaching her, I told her that crying was unacceptable and the lesson would end when she cried. As the teacher, I took control of the lesson and didn’t allow her to cry or act out. That was a game-changer in the progress of the lessons once she realized those tactics didn’t stop her from learning.

2. Celebrate their mistakes

Your perfectionist student will probably laugh (or won’t believe you) when you say mistakes can work out to their advantage. I heard a saying that success isn’t built on success; it’s built on failure. Every person who invented or created something new had more failures than successes. The trick is not to quit but to continue through the failures until success is achieved. I tell my students never to waste a mistake but to learn from it, and then they will learn twice as much!

3. Teach in small steps with repetition.

Since perfectionists hate to make mistakes, teach them new concepts in small steps and have them repeat it until mastered. The more they succeed in the small steps, giving the feeling of perfection, the higher their self-esteem and motivation to learn. This format also helps perfectionists conquer new concepts in all aspects of their lives, including their occupations as adults.

4. Choose the correct curriculum.

It’s important to choose the curriculum for each perfectionist student that teaches in small steps and doesn’t overwhelm them. My piano series, “Drill & Excel On the Piano,” books 1-4 for beginners to early advanced students, teaches precisely in that way, in small ordered steps with drills and repetition to master each level. Even my perfectionist students can learn without being frustrated. These books are accessed digitally at MmpApp.com. It’s free for teachers when linked to at least one student, and students only pay $4.99/month for access to all books, tutorial videos, and instant updates.

5. Perfectionism is way overrated.

The older I get, the more being perfect is less the goal. It’s the simple imperfections in life that mean the most, and that includes music. Of course, we all have some perfectionism, not wanting to make mistakes, but if we were always perfect, we’d be little robots. And what a boring world we would live in!

Kathi Kerr is the owner/founder of Melody Music Studios, which hires teachers nationwide, and the owner/founder of Melody Music Publishers, a line of piano method books and sheet music.